Randoms

I've been so tired lately that it seems that the only way I can think is to think in lists.  And even that is questionable (please visit exhibit A where yesterday I spent 45minutes at the gym looking for my phone and car key...).  On to the list.  

1. Juanito is very sick.  I literally cannot remember the last time he was this sick.  He's been down for the count since Tuesday night and he still has a nasty cough and stuffy nose and he says he can feel the cough dropping into his chest.  He's so sick that last night he looks at me and tells me that he wants chocolate donettes.  At first I thought he was kidding, but then he kept talking about them.  Then I got worried that he was dying because the man does not do sweets, but I drove to the convenient store and got him a bag of them and almost ate them all.  Crazy.  

2. I am le tired.  (Then go take a nap and then go fire the missiles!!!) That is all to really say there.  

3. Simba is a goddamn picky eater.  Please view exhibit B - the several different kinds of cat food we are going to try out to try to keep him eating.  Because heaven forbid he get the same flavor two meals in a row.  And lord help us if it's trout.  And god knows that same texture of food more than one meal in a row is an abomination.  

4. Sappho isn't the smartest dog, but she's entertaining.  

5. We still really need curtains for our giant doors.  

6. I'm three weeks into school and I still haven't even ordered my books.  It's gonna be a fabulous last semester.  

7. I'm back to teaching Zumba and I missed it and it's awesome.  Yesterday we worked so hard that we fogged up not only the windows, but also all the mirrors.  The yoga class that came in after us got a surprise heated room.  

8. It's already in the 70s-80s here.  I'm half jokingly telling my clients and students that swim suit season starts next week.  But it's kind of true.  

9. My sister told me that she had to admit to someone how much peanut butter she eats.  I thought about what I eat in excess and while I do eat a fair amount of peanut butter (though not as much as she does) I do eat quite a bit of chocolate.  I found these sugar free, gluten free, 75% cocoa dark chocolate bars from TJs.  I have a square after every meal.  It's amazing.  

10. My new house, while out in BFE, is awesome and I love it and I'm getting used to the commutes and having to fill up my tank once a week instead of once a month.  Just check out these sunsets visible from out front door!  

Surgery Sucks

In case you were wondering, surgery sucks.  It's true.  It doesn't matter how simple your procedure, how awesome your surgeon is, how young or fit or healthy you are (all components present in my surgery), it still sucks.  Even if you're such an optimist that sunshine literally shines from your ass, surgery still sucks.  It's disruptive, it hurts, it screws with your whole system, your whole body, your mind, not just your surgical site.  

Luckily my procedure was able to be done laparoscopically, meaning healing time was cut down, it was less invasive and, according to the scrub nurses, also meant less pain.  Never having a previous surgery, I have nothing to compare this to.  

Was I an outpatient procedure?  Yes.  Was I putting on real pants and making a small appearance at a holiday party a week and a half post op?  Yes.  Was there pain?  Only really on the second day, and that was controlled with meds, and even at that I only needed to up my meds for half a day.  At currently five and a half weeks post op am I teaching Zumba, going on short jogs with the dog, sleeping normally and for the most part living my normal life?  Yes.  Does it still suck?  Yes.  

One thing these last few weeks have taught me is that there is a difference between being fully healed and fully functional again.  My doc told me my wounds would be healed within 5-6 weeks.  And she was right.  I ignorantly thought this meant that I would also be up to doing box jumps onto three foot platforms, doing suspension training, and doing strength moves on pole again.  I thought I would be doing all of my favorite workouts that I had been powering through pre-op by 5-6 weeks post op.  

This coming Friday makes it 6 weeks post op to the day.  I'm jogging, yes.  I'm teaching Zumba, yes.  But I have to take more frequent breaks because I still can't tighten my core on command and so when I jump around, my belly moves and it's really uncomfortable.  Belly dancing is a struggle to say the least.  It's taken me literally weeks to be able to re-train my abs to pull navel to spine (pre-op I was practically able to collapse my belly in half).  If I sit up too fast or reach too far it still hurts.  I have so much scar tissue in my core that I've lost all flexibility in my ab muscles, to the point where I can barely lift my chest off the ground when laying on my stomach.  I still don't have all my energy back, I get tired so easily and so quickly, and it will take me another five and a half months to rebuild the good bacteria in my gut and intestines from the bowel prep, which probably means I will spend the next several months trying desperately to regulate my digestive system (which is still not regulated no matter how much fiber I eat).  

It's been such a challenge of my patience.  I fully expected to be doing suspended hip raises and planks by now and I'm back to starting at simple crunches and pelvic tilts.  Not being able to do any exercise for four weeks had me lose a lot of strength that I had worked so hard to build up.  I've basically been sore for the last two weeks straight and I'm using close to 30lbs less (more for legs) than what I was six weeks ago.  I know I'm not starting from square one, but I am definitely several steps back from where I was.  

I don't say all this to be a debbie-downer, or to wallow in my own frustration and, if I'm being totally honest, disappointment for not being able to put on super-hero cape and go fight crime just yet.  I say it because it's perspective.  Perspective I didn't have and wasn't prepared for.  And it's been hard adjusting to and accepting it.  

I don't know if anything could have been done to better prepare me for all of this.  I asked all the right questions, my doctor was totally open about what I was to expect.  I don't know if all the talks in the world could have soothed my naturally impatient soul to slow down and, ha, be patient.  

Despite surgery sucking, I have learned a lot.  I usually cope with stress with exercise.  I would literally work off my cortisol.  Not being able to has forced me to seek other avenues.  It's always good to have more than one coping skill.  This must be what my clients feel like when they are just starting their fitness journey.  I haven't been fit my whole life, not even my whole adult life, it's been a journey, but the beginning was now several years ago and I've come so far that this is definitely a refresher in what it as like back then.  It's forced me to eat really well.  I don't have the luxury right now of detoxing my indulgences away by sweating it out.  I have to eat clean or I feel like shit.  

I say all this because while I have been optimistic and celebrating the little steps like driving myself somewhere for the first time or getting my first workout in post op, the rest of it is still worth saying.  I have learned a lot, I am thrilled to not have Jan in me anymore, and I'm simply tickled to be working my way back to my normal self and my normal life.  AND the rest of it is equally as important as everything I've gained.  The rest of it doesn't make me any less grateful for having access to the health care to detect Jan and then remove her.  It doesn't make me any less grateful to have such a supportive family who came out and supported me.  It doesn't make me any less grateful to be recovering so well and without complication.  

So often and so easily we get sucked into this way of thinking that doesn't allow room for two opposing thoughts or desires to exist in the same moment.  We do this by saying "but" to separate them.  "Surgery sucked but I'm grateful that I could get it done."  Two thoughts: surgery sucked, and being grateful for being able to get it done.  The "but" devalues and cancels out the surgery sucking part.  As if to say, "It's not fair or right for to to say that my surgery sucked because I should really just be grateful for having awesome health care."  Saying, "Surgery sucked AND I'm grateful that I could get it done" allows for equal value of both thoughts and allows for both to operate within the same moment.  Not only does it validate the way I feel and think on both ends of the spectrum, it gives me peace knowing that I don't have to choose, or feel like I have to choose between which feeling is "right."  

Movie Review: Battleship

Today's post will be short and possibly lame.  I'm kinda brain fried.  So.  Onward.  

We watched this a while ago, one of the first things we watched when we moved into the new place.  It satisfied all my points I have for an action movie.  Graphics were rad.  Shit blew up.  Good guys win.  

The only really terrible thing about the movie is that you don't get see Alexander Skarsgard naked.  Bummer.  Guess I'll have to wait for this summer's season of True Blood instead.  

My grade: A

Sweet Potato Fondue

AKA holy balls deliciousness.  

My mom gave me this recipe and I'm all about it because it's lactose free and actually healthy (providing of course that you aren't drowning an entire loaf of bread in it and calling that your meal).  And I'm still without internet at home and of course the recipe is there with the exact amount of things, but what the hey.  Recipes are guidelines anyways.  

Sweet Potato Fondue

Ingredients:

Sweet potatoes (about 1.5-2lbs), peeled and cut into 1.5inch cubes

1-1.5 medium onion, diced

Chicken broth, enough to cover the potatoes and maybe a little extra just in case

Lime juice, like, half of a lime

Lactose free sour cream (which I think makes this paleo friendly??? Or at least Jil-Paleo-Friendly), about 1/2 cup

Fresh cilantro, you know, some, coarsely cut

Chipotle in adobo sauce, however much your heart desires

Salt, also to taste

Step 1: Cook down your onions in either butter or olive oil whichever you prefer.  Once tender, toss in your potatoes and boil in just enough chicken broth to cover the potatoes and cook until you can spear them with a fork

Step 2: Blend your potatoes in a blender.  Then bring your puree back to the original pot/pan you were using, and add your lime juice, lactose free sour cream, cilantro, chipotle and salt.  

Step 3: Taste test, adjust spices accordingly.  

Step 4: Transfer to a serving dish or fondue pot and skewer various veggies (broccoli, cauli, carrots, peppers etc) or sausage or meat or cheese (unless you're going paleo) or bread and stuff your friggen face.  

This can also be thinned out with more broth or water and turned into a delicious soup, which is what I am doing with my leftovers.  

Oh My God I Have Access to the Internet and I Have a TON to Say

No really.  I have been keeping a mental tab of all the things I want to blog about when I have internet at my house (back up, we moved!  And I don't get internet at my house until the 11th and I don't know if you've ever tried to manage a blog FROM YOUR PHONE.  Shit is a nightmare) and trying to decide which to blog about right now has literally almost made my brains come out my ears.  So, here's a list of random shit that is on my mind and I'll expound on it later.  

1. We're homeowners bitches!  It was a nightmare getting the loan approval and the whole closing process and getting the keys, but we have keys.  We have a house.  A house with no window coverings right now as we wait for them to get shipped to us and for us to install.  But it's ours.  All. Fucking. Ours.  Boom.  

2. Surgery is sucky.  No matter how well it goes or simple the procedure or how bad ass your surgeon is (and my surgery went so well my surgeon was still pumped up about it a week later), it sucks.  It takes more out of you than you ever think it will.  You sit on your couch in a very specific position, watching movies, occasionally getting up to waddle around your house and to pee, and yet you still need naps, lots and lots of naps, because you're so damn tired all the time.  That being said, I'm three and a half weeks post op and my energy is starting to come back (though it leaves me quickly still), my range of motion is almost all back, and today I did my first workout since surgery!  It was a slow, light, non-exciting workout, but I am going to savor every minute of it because I got to move and my life feels like it's getting back to normal.  

3. Sweet potato fondue.  Holy balls that shit is delicious.  I will blog about this in painful detail soon.  

4. Apparently today is a heavy cursing day.  

5. Today is the first day of my last semester of grad school.  I graduate in May providing that I don't fall off the deep end and get committed to the loony bin and need to take a leave of absence.  And someone in class just started talking about already prepping for the LMSW exam and now I'm starting to freak out.  

6. I have a small list of resolutions this year, which is kind of a big deal since I usually make the resolution to stop making resolutions.  

7.  Cats are smarter than dogs.  At least my cats are smarter than my dog.  I've known this for years, but now I have actual proof.  Within 24hours of being in the new place, the cats have adapted to stairs and know where their food and litter box is, they have figured out where all the sunny spots are, how to open the new doors while I'm peeing, and fell into the new routine of trying to beat me to the bathroom, then standing in my way in all the dark places first thing in the morning as I shuffle through my morning routine instantly.  We've been there for more than a week and Sappho is still having a hard time with stairs, tile and where to go when we cue "backyard."  

That's all for now.  I should be paying attention to the class I'm in anyways.