Randoms

I haven't blogged in a month, so randoms it is.  

1. Much to my dismay, I'm starting to develop plantar fasciitis.  And it sucks.  If shin splints weren't bad enough now my feet hurt.  Though I do find that putting a water bottle in the freezer and rolling my feet out every morning and night is helpful.  And not wearing flip flops as much as I like to is also helpful but, meh.  

2. We went to Sedona for Memorial weekend and I am in love.  It was so beautiful and a much needed escape for our day to day.  I'm determined to write more on this in a different post so we'll keep it to the following: awesome, amazing, magical, lots of wine, helicopter ride!  

3. Now that I'm done with school (and can I please get a big fucking amen for that whole process being over with?) I have more time to meal plan etc.  So I'm back to grocery shopping more regularly.  A bonus to being in school and not having time to cook every day forced me to use recipes that yield a lot and then have a lot of leftovers.  Which in the long run is saving us money, so, win.  

4. Also now that I have more time I'm able to walk the dog more regularly, something which we are both grateful for.  I forgot how nice morning walks are.  And walking is good for the body and good for the soul (good for my feet if I would stop wearing flip flops when I go walk...).  This morning I was that crazy lady talking to my dog on our walk about how mommy is an idiot for wearing flip flops again and for wearing all black and how not only do mommy's feet hurt, but she's a gross sweaty mess.  I must have passed a good three or four people giving me weird looks before I realized that to them I was talking to myself so I just looked crazy.  Whatevs.  They can judge all they want.  Sappho and I had a great chat ha.  

5. I'm reading again.  Whaaaattt???  For the first several weeks after school was done all I could do was watch TV and nap.  I watched so much trashy day time TV it was nuts.  But that was literally all my brain could handle.  Now I'm reading again.  Still working on the Highlander series and am still on book 2.  Not gonna lie, I feel like I need to write down a flow chart of who is who and who their allegiance lies with because I feel a little lost right now.  

6. I'm job hunting for a social work type job.  I feel perplexed about it.  Not about getting a job in my degree field, that I feel good about.  I feel perplexed about that whole, part time or full time, agency or hospital, stay a little picky or time to get flexible about what I'm looking for, etc etc.  Yesterday I made a pros and cons list to try to find some clarity and that process looked more like, write the list, throw the list across the room, pick the list back up, cook some food, stare at the list, add to the list, swear at the list, email some mentors, and eat peanut butter right out of the jar.  Productive is relative in this sense.   

7. I got to spend a great Sunday with some awesome ladies doing brunch and swimming and getting drinks pool side and now I want that like, every weekend.  It also brings up my need for water and my desire to go swimming. Time to start harassing the HOA people to get my damn pool key.  

8. I dyed the bottom part of my hair dark purple about 4 weeks ago.  It took 4.5hours to get it done, and for about two weeks every time I took a shower it looked like I had murdered Barney in my shower.  Now that it has faded a bunch my hair is now less dark purple and more red/brown.  It's pretty, and it's kinda like getting two colors in one, and as much as I want to do it again, if it's just going to fade this quickly, I'm hesitant to drop that much money on it again.  

9. We got a living social deal for some house cleaning, and the cleaning itself was only so-so, but their customer service was hideous.  I will never be using them again.  We decided to shop around though for another person/service because not arguing about the cleaning and who "should" have done what and when etc is so worth budgeting in someone to come in even if only once a month right now.  

10. I've taken up kickboxing (not like, cardio kickboxing.  I mean I have hot pink wraps, black gloves and I wail on a heavy bag kind of kickboxing) and crossfit.  I love both, but I love kickboxing more.  There's something so damn satisfying about being able to kick and hit a heavy bag.  That sounds really violent but I mean that in the most constructive way possible.  I've been told by more than one person that I would be a good fighter and should consider training to fight.  I have serious reservations about this.  First, and most importantly, getting hit hurts.  We partner up and hold shield mats for our partners to kick and hit and I usually partner with a friend of mine and goddamn, even through a shield bag her kicks sting a bit.  And that's with me bracing into them like you're supposed to.  Beyond that, kicking a heavy bag hurts me.  So not only does getting kicked hurt, but giving them hurts to.  I know I'm building a tolerance for it because every week it hurts less and less (except for my friend's kicks, those are getting stronger...) but one of my kicks at full force against a heavy bag definitely smarts.  That being said, taking a body shot I'm much more okay with than getting hit in the face.  I have no desire to find out what it feels like to get hit in the face.  I also have no desire to hit anyone else in the face.  Maybe if fighting consisted of body shots only I would consider it.  But for now, I like my face a lot, I don't like getting hurt or hurting someone else, so I'll stick to wailing on a heavy bag.  

Done

My last day of grad school was this past Monday.  I'm done.  I got an A on my Capstone, I have As (pretty sure at least - final grades aren't in yet) in all my classes.  I'm done.  I did it.  And without becoming an alcoholic, gaining a ton of weight from stress eating, and without ever needing a straight jacket (though this is arguable...).  I get to graduate next week.  I get my brain back.  I get to focus on my goals instead of homework.  I choreographed new routines for Zumba today which I literally have not had any time to do since before December.  I get to slow down.  I get to plan and figure out my next steps.  I'm done.  No more school.  Always learning, but no more school.  NO.MORE.SCHOOL. 

I Want My Brain Back

I presented on my Capstone (basically, a mini thesis) last week, and turned in my actual paper today (three weeks early I might add).  And yesterday as I'm getting ready I look at my birth control and go, "Shit, what day is it???"  Then I get to the gas station and while I'm standing at the pump about to pay and realize that I'm holding my sunglasses case instead of my wallet.  When I drop my head in disbelief I notice that I'm still wearing my slippers.  But I was wearing pants, so at least that's a plus.  Grad school has robbed me of my brain.  I want it back.  Sorta.  

Randoms

Jesus, it's been a month since I've posted... Thank god for randoms.  

1) I am in that awkward, I need to care but just don't have any more motivation, place with school.  All semester I've been in a state of indifference.  Call it senior-itis.  But before spring break I was moving so quickly because I'm so busy that things were getting done by default.  Then I slowed down a bit over spring break, and I'm moving slower, but still in the same state of indifference, so things aren't getting done as quickly.  And I kinda don't care.  But then I remember that I have a ton of shit of to get done so that I can graduate, and that makes me care some, but I just can't seem to focus.  So I've been spending my days setting the goal (literally setting a timer) of being focused and productive for one hour, and rewarding myself with hour long naps or a movie, then going back and setting the timer again.  Such a tedious process.  

2) I miss California.  

3) I've been cooking a lot of grain free foods lately and I'm starting to wonder if I have some sort of gluten intolerance.  I only say this because when I eat grain free, my belly is flatter, I bloat less, and my tummy makes less noise.  When I do eat grain, I bloat, takes me a few days to de-bloat, and my tummy can get a little wonky.  I never really gave much thought to it, especially since I am sure there is gluten in a lot of foods that I eat as a preservative and those don't seem to be a bother.  But the big stuff like bread, pasta and rice (rice not so much if I don't eat it like the Asian person I am), my body looks awful the next day and I feel sluggish.  

4) I need more dance in my life.  I used to think that music is what connected me back to myself.  Moody music for my moody moods, party music when I'm feeling on top, sultry music for my sassy moods, etc.  I just realized, like, last night, that it's not so much the music, but that dance I visualize when I listen to it.  Kinda shocked that I never realized this before since I love to dance, I have so much fun when I do it, especially when I choreograph my own pieces (non-Zumba pieces in particular (not that I don't love Zumba, I do, but there's a different vibe to it)).  I really wish I had more hours in the day to give this to myself right now, but I don't.  Adding more dance into my life right now would be more of a burden instead of a gift.  So when I graduate I will be dancing more.  

5) It's that time of year when my arms and face and shoulders are getting nice and brown because I'm driving with the windows down, but my legs are pasty, pasty white and I wish I could just stick my legs in a tanning bed and keep the rest of me out of it.  

6) Our new place is finally starting to feel like ours.  It did when we signed the papers and got the keys and all of that.  But we've been here for long enough now where that initial honeymoon excitement has worn off and all that's left is this attitude of, "fuck yeah this is our home."  We still haven't put anything on our walls (maybe a project for when my parents come visit in May??  Consider this fair warning, mom) partly because we don't have time, partly because every time we put a hole in a wall we freak a little bit.  These walls are ours.  We are responsible for them.  And we paid for them.  AND NOW WE'RE PUTTING FUCKING HOLES IN THEM??? ON PURPOSE?? We'll get over it.  Eventually.  

7) Someone told me that tarantulas migrate, like fucking 8 legged crawling birds, across washes when the weather gets warm, and that they literally blanket the fucking ground.  I have no desire to know if this is true, but now that I live backed up against the desert, I am weary of going outside in the dark right now... 

8) March Madness is in full swing.  Which means in two weeks I will get my husband back.  

9) I've been having this strange craving for jelly beans lately.  Maybe it's the Easter Bunny putting thoughts into my head.  

10) Because I am so busy I am rebelling against cleaning like a small child.  I don't know why.  My husband is equally busy, and it's not like I expect him to pick up the slack, I just don't want either of us to clean.  The idea of spending our one day off cleaning the goddamn house is making me throw temper tantrums.  On the inside of course.  Instead of sitting on the floor kicking my feet and screaming, I sit in this chair and become paralyzed to do anything except type and click.  So when I'm working more hours, we're going to find someone to come clean our house.  Because I would much rather spend our one day off together, doing something nice like going to the park or something non-chorey and lame.  

I Applied For Graduation

AKA, I paid my school $50 to give me my degree.  

Maybe it's because I'm sick and rapidly losing what little energy I had with showering and brushing my teeth this morning, but it's a little anti-climactic.  I have spent the last two years working toward my master's degree in social work and will finally have the piece of paper that says I did so and will hopefully be able to land myself a job when I graduate.  You think I would be way more excited, and I'm sure deep down I am.  But in my medicated and congested haze, all I can think about is how stupid that fucking student program evaluation survey was and how fucking long it was.  

Looking back, okay trying to look back, I try to think about what I've learned and how far I've come.  I think about my classes, what I learned in them, what I've gained from them, what I will use in my future practice and the overall feeling I get from it all is this: graduate school was really just fine tuning skills I already possessed.  

Now, before I go beat my head against a wall for spending tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to "fine tune" my skills, not to mention the years of my life I took off myself with the added stress and worry from being in school at all, I am going to create space to be grateful for the opportunity.  Yes, in terms of learning brand new things, I learned very little.  But in terms of learning about my skills and where I am as a clinician, I learned a great deal.  I learned where my strengths lie, where my weak spots are, where my comfort zones are, with what population I would really like to work with, where my please-don't-ever-make-me-work-in-that-field spots are (you hospice workers are angels, angels I tell you), and also what my opinion on treatment modalities are.  It's really the first time I have applied such critical thinking to my education (whaaaatttt???  Mom, calm down, let me explain).  In my undergrad years, it was pretty straight forward.  Someone lectures at me, I write down a bunch of notes, take a test to see how much I remember about what they said, get a grade and move on.  Sure I was able to expound upon my own opinions of what they were talking about later, but for the purpose of the course, I was expected to be a brain damaged mule who needed someone to tell me what to do.  Then I spent a few years working and not going to school and had a boss who really just wanted me to reply with "How high?" when he said "Jump" and while I fought that every inch of the way, I did it and kinda learned to be a bit of a lemming, a vocal lemming as I was protesting the need to jump off the cliff and how it didn't make sense at the top of my lungs but I was still doing it.  Then I get into grad school, and maybe it was being around other people with more life experience than me, or who were just as vocal as me, but something shifted.  I no longer cared if I was the last lemming standing because I didn't follow my brethren off the cliff.  If I didn't want to jump, I wasn't going to, and let me tell you why.  That sounds really aggressive and even arrogant, but it comes from a place not of hostility and a need to fight just because, but rather from a place of knowing myself better than I did before, knowing what I believe and what is true to me and having the balls finally to stick by it.  

It really became apparent to me when my teachers would spew some pure bullshit in class and I was only one of a few people in class that weren't eating that shit up.  I raised my hand a lot this year, gracefully challenged certain doctrines and debated among friends.  And very rarely did it turn into something ugly, something heated, and every time I gained new perspective and insight into a topic or situation that I may not have considered before.  It was true learning.  

In terms of clinical skills, I've picked up maybe one or two new ones but mostly I've polished a lot of the ones I already have (blessings of having worked in the field of my study prior to coming to school).  I'm now meeting with patients one-on-one at my internship and feel more confident to do so, though I still put this pressure on myself to find some life altering question or perspective to bring to them every time I meet them (I know, I'm working on it).  I've been co-running groups since August and I feel really good about my group skills (yay!) and have learned that I actually really enjoy group work.  Groups can be harder because you have a lot to manage as the facilitator, but they can also be so much more profound than individual work because you have to call people out on their bullshit to keep the group flowing, and I have discovered that while I have genuine empathy for everyone I meet, it's more in line with my personality to call people out on their bullshit.  In a loving, compassionate way of course.  

Plans for post-graduation?  Well isn't that the million dollar question.  I still want to work with people directly, and I want to help them make the mind body connection, and achieve health through the practice of wellness.  I want to help people get healthy minds and healthy bodies.  So in addition to my masters degree, I will be looking into getting other fitness certs as well as life coaching cert so that I can embark on helping people get healthy in mind and body.  At least, that's the goal.  Chances are I'll have to take a million and five baby steps to get there though.  

Randoms

I've been so tired lately that it seems that the only way I can think is to think in lists.  And even that is questionable (please visit exhibit A where yesterday I spent 45minutes at the gym looking for my phone and car key...).  On to the list.  

1. Juanito is very sick.  I literally cannot remember the last time he was this sick.  He's been down for the count since Tuesday night and he still has a nasty cough and stuffy nose and he says he can feel the cough dropping into his chest.  He's so sick that last night he looks at me and tells me that he wants chocolate donettes.  At first I thought he was kidding, but then he kept talking about them.  Then I got worried that he was dying because the man does not do sweets, but I drove to the convenient store and got him a bag of them and almost ate them all.  Crazy.  

2. I am le tired.  (Then go take a nap and then go fire the missiles!!!) That is all to really say there.  

3. Simba is a goddamn picky eater.  Please view exhibit B - the several different kinds of cat food we are going to try out to try to keep him eating.  Because heaven forbid he get the same flavor two meals in a row.  And lord help us if it's trout.  And god knows that same texture of food more than one meal in a row is an abomination.  

4. Sappho isn't the smartest dog, but she's entertaining.  

5. We still really need curtains for our giant doors.  

6. I'm three weeks into school and I still haven't even ordered my books.  It's gonna be a fabulous last semester.  

7. I'm back to teaching Zumba and I missed it and it's awesome.  Yesterday we worked so hard that we fogged up not only the windows, but also all the mirrors.  The yoga class that came in after us got a surprise heated room.  

8. It's already in the 70s-80s here.  I'm half jokingly telling my clients and students that swim suit season starts next week.  But it's kind of true.  

9. My sister told me that she had to admit to someone how much peanut butter she eats.  I thought about what I eat in excess and while I do eat a fair amount of peanut butter (though not as much as she does) I do eat quite a bit of chocolate.  I found these sugar free, gluten free, 75% cocoa dark chocolate bars from TJs.  I have a square after every meal.  It's amazing.  

10. My new house, while out in BFE, is awesome and I love it and I'm getting used to the commutes and having to fill up my tank once a week instead of once a month.  Just check out these sunsets visible from out front door!  

Oh My God I Have Access to the Internet and I Have a TON to Say

No really.  I have been keeping a mental tab of all the things I want to blog about when I have internet at my house (back up, we moved!  And I don't get internet at my house until the 11th and I don't know if you've ever tried to manage a blog FROM YOUR PHONE.  Shit is a nightmare) and trying to decide which to blog about right now has literally almost made my brains come out my ears.  So, here's a list of random shit that is on my mind and I'll expound on it later.  

1. We're homeowners bitches!  It was a nightmare getting the loan approval and the whole closing process and getting the keys, but we have keys.  We have a house.  A house with no window coverings right now as we wait for them to get shipped to us and for us to install.  But it's ours.  All. Fucking. Ours.  Boom.  

2. Surgery is sucky.  No matter how well it goes or simple the procedure or how bad ass your surgeon is (and my surgery went so well my surgeon was still pumped up about it a week later), it sucks.  It takes more out of you than you ever think it will.  You sit on your couch in a very specific position, watching movies, occasionally getting up to waddle around your house and to pee, and yet you still need naps, lots and lots of naps, because you're so damn tired all the time.  That being said, I'm three and a half weeks post op and my energy is starting to come back (though it leaves me quickly still), my range of motion is almost all back, and today I did my first workout since surgery!  It was a slow, light, non-exciting workout, but I am going to savor every minute of it because I got to move and my life feels like it's getting back to normal.  

3. Sweet potato fondue.  Holy balls that shit is delicious.  I will blog about this in painful detail soon.  

4. Apparently today is a heavy cursing day.  

5. Today is the first day of my last semester of grad school.  I graduate in May providing that I don't fall off the deep end and get committed to the loony bin and need to take a leave of absence.  And someone in class just started talking about already prepping for the LMSW exam and now I'm starting to freak out.  

6. I have a small list of resolutions this year, which is kind of a big deal since I usually make the resolution to stop making resolutions.  

7.  Cats are smarter than dogs.  At least my cats are smarter than my dog.  I've known this for years, but now I have actual proof.  Within 24hours of being in the new place, the cats have adapted to stairs and know where their food and litter box is, they have figured out where all the sunny spots are, how to open the new doors while I'm peeing, and fell into the new routine of trying to beat me to the bathroom, then standing in my way in all the dark places first thing in the morning as I shuffle through my morning routine instantly.  We've been there for more than a week and Sappho is still having a hard time with stairs, tile and where to go when we cue "backyard."  

That's all for now.  I should be paying attention to the class I'm in anyways.  

Night Classes

My first year in grad school we got to choose between night and day classes.  If you worked you could take all night classes and if you didn't you could take all day classes.  You could combine the two.  You had a choice.  I chose all day classes because I wasn't working during the day, and because I learn better in the morning.  

Second year, no choices.  I got to choose my electives, but not when my classes are.  So this semester I have a lot of night classes.  I'm three weeks in to the school year and I'm starting to conclude that night classes are going to make this semester rough.  

So far my conclusion is thus: my brain stops working at around 7pm.  I can't focus, all I can think about is going home and how my ass is going numb, I get fidgety, and I start looking at the clock every five minutes, etc.  And considering that night classes go until 8pm, it makes learning rough.  Luckily my teachers for my night classes understand this and do their best to keep everyone engaged and understand when people get fidgety etc.  Also very lucky that my night classes don't have exams, just papers and projects because holy crap, I'd fail because I just can't keep up.  And in all fairness, I don't know how much of this is the night class and having to learn at night, or how much of it is because my days start at 5am, and so by 7pm I am just done, finito, no more, the end.  

Here's to hoping I adapt to my new schedule and that it works out for the better.  Until then, I'm going to stick to my ultra-organized planner that I filled out planning my entire semester that dictates when assignments are due, and when I will start said assignments, and how I will have them done at least one week in advance.  Call me OCD if you will, but I am going to dominate this semester.  Boom.  

Randoms and Such

I know, I know.  Where have I been?  Studying my arse off, taking a big exam, getting ready (who the hell am I kidding here?) for school.  It's no excuse, but I do recognize that I've been seriously slacking on my blogging duties.  

I've been studying all summer for my personal trainer cert.  Going over anatomy, kinesiology, exercise physiology and program progression.  I was doing super awesome with studying and staying on top of it all and then a bunch of family stuff happened that pulled me away from being so diligent, and then my sister was in town which was a pleasant and welcomed distraction.  So I book my test for August 20, and come the second week of August I was starting to freak out about taking the exam because the studying I was getting time for was not up to my usual standard.  If I failed the test, sure I could take it again, but I'd have to pay $200 to retake it.  That's a lot of money for an exam.  ANYWAYS, I review and review, wasn't feeling super confident about the exam, and the morning of the test I was so damn nervous I thought I was going to puke.  The entire drive to the testing center I spent talking to myself, out loud, and telling myself very firmly that I was going to dominate the test, that I was going to pass, and that opportunities would open up for me because I would have my cert finally.  

I got three hours to complete 150 questions, and I told myself that even if I had to sit there and go through all the answers 100 times over, I was going to sit there for at least an hour and a half.  I know I have the tendency to speed read the question, the speed read through the answers, and then usually I pick the wrong answer because I didn't read the question thoroughly enough.  So I strategized by reading each question twice, and slowly, before even looking at the answers.  It took me just under 2 hours to complete, and the whole thing must have worked out because I passed!  Insert victory dance here.  

Since I'm done studying for my personal trainer cert, we now have our dining room table back.  Juan is very happy.  Until I start writing papers for grad school and then the dining room table will disappear again under mountains of papers, text books, notebooks etc.  Juan will not be happy.  

Even though I had my first day of school yesterday, and I've purchased my text books today and will go out and get school supplies later today, I'm still in complete denial that the school semester has started up again.  Even in more denial that come May of next year I will be graduating with my masters and no.more.school.ever!  "Never say never" blah blah blah, but really, I am very excited about the prospect of not having to sit in a traditional classroom ever again.  

Yesterday when I was scrambling last minute to get my backpack together for school, I couldn't find Blue (who has zipper disease and I wish I had sent him to JanSport Camp over the summer while he was on vacation because now school has started and there's no going to school without him).  I know we had stashed Blue somewhere where the cats couldn't sit on him and cover him in fur, but I just couldn't remember where.  I almost had to miss my first day of school because I couldn't find him. First days of school without Blue just don't happen.  They just don't.  

I recently re-watched HP 7.2 (that's Harry Potter 7 part 2 for all you non-Harry obsessors) and the part with the dragon escaping Gringotts always makes me so sad.  Poor dragon.  And whenever I watch HP 7.2 I'm reminded that the saga is over and that also makes me sad.  I grew up with Harry.  We were 11 at the same time and now, no more adventures for me to escape to.  And the, "Not my daughter you bitch!" part, to this day, makes me squeal with glee.  

Apples with peanutbutter is the best snack ever.  I sometimes have 2 apples a day.  My sister also reintroduced avocado into my life.  I now have that pretty regularly too and it is delicious.  Delicious I tell you.  

We're building a house.  Yay!  It's a nightmare.  For those of you who have never purchased a home before, it's a bloody freaking nightmare.  Looking at houses, walking through them, going to the design center to pick out all your preferences etc, all that is the fun stuff, and it lasts for about 5nanoseconds.  All the other stuff, the loan stuff, the paperwork, the applications, the meetings, the projection of what our first born child will look like and their estimated IQ, all that crap is just ridiculous.  It'll be worth it all in the end, of course, but for now when someone calls us and says, "Jump!" we just say, "How high?!"

In case you were wondering, always ice using a barrier between yourself and the ice.  If you don't, and then fall asleep with the ice on, you could give yourself frost bite.  Trust me, I know.  My skin is currently peeling off in the place where the frost bite is healing.  It's like a burn, but in a way a little bit more gross.  

1 Year of Grad School Down and Helloooo Summer Vacay!

My last day of my first year of grad school was April 19.  Since then, I have been indulging in a lazy summer vacation.  Why, might you ask, did I wait so long to write about my first year of grad school.  Well, because I was indulging in a super lazy summer vacation.  So there.  

My first year of grad school down, and what have I learned?  To be totally honest, I wasn't sure if I learned much at all this year.  But as I sit here and reflect, I realize that I did indeed learn a lot and that my thousands of dollars in tuition was money well spent.  

First, I learned a lot about my own level of OCD and stress management.  It's grad school, I'm more invested in it than I was in my undergrad, so naturally, I obsessed over assignments, and had everything done about 3 weeks early.  This was a double edged sword.  On the one side, I was freaking out a lot at first.  On the other, when I was feeling super lazy and just didn't want to to do homework, I could afford to not do any.  So, it was a blessing and a curse.  My second semester I learned how to tone that down a notch.  I still stayed ahead to keep myself ahead of the curve to anticipate for the days that I didn't want to do anything, but it kept me a little bit saner.  

Second, I really did learn a lot about therapeutic techniques and expressing empathy.  Since I had been working in the field for a couple of years, class was essentially just fine tuning what I already had, and giving me new tools to practice.  

Third, there was a period of time where I wasn't sure if I wanted to come back this second year.  I want to be a life coach, I don't need an MSW to be a life coach.  But the therapy component to life coaching certs isn't as thorough as it is with an MSW.  And a life coach cert isn't as versatile as an MSW.  But it's definitely something I'm looking into.  But my passion still lies in working with underprivileged kids, and that really does require an MSW, which is why I've decided to stick with the program.  Yay.  

As for summer break.  Oh, sweet, sweet summer break.  My husband has been working his tail off, is in transition into a management position, and we are in a position where I don't need to have a regular desk job.  Thank god.  So I get to teach as many fitness classes as I can handle, and enjoy my first summer without a 40hour week since I was 14.  I take naps in the middle of the day, go on long dog walks, give myself manis and pedis, watch movies, read books, why, because I can!  I have the time!  It is glorious.  I'm sure in a couple of weeks I'll be bored, but right now, I'm loving it.  Everyone should find a vacation like this because holy hell, it is glorious.  

I Like School, But...

It's true.  I like school.  I like learning.  I like learning things about things that I like to do and plan to do a lot of in my future.  I know I've only been in grad school for two semesters, but every now and then an assignment will come my way that makes me want to bang my head against the table and question why I'm in grad school at all.  Last semester it was a policy circle paper.  This semester it's a literary review for my research methods class.  


No really, you don't understand.  Those two assignments had me thinking about organizing my closet and dresser as a away to avoid writing them.  And for those of you who don't know me, getting me to organize my clothes is like getting a toddler to stop screaming and throwing a fit when they are tired, hungry, and sick all at once while simultaneously trying to give them a shot.  In short, it's impossible.  My husband tries desperately to not put himself in a position to put my clothes away when he does the laundry, and when he does put them away, he walks out of the room with clear signs of anxiety written all over his face.  


The concept of these two assignments aren't very difficult.  I have examples to refer to, step by step instructions, clear guidance from my professor (okay, from my current professor), I just cannot motivate myself to write them.  Thinking about them makes me feel a little bit like this:

And actually sitting down to try to write them, makes me want to do this:

I just have to keep telling myself that I really only have 8.5more months of school left before I graduate, and then I never have to write another literary review ever again.  

Randomness

I haven't written in over a week??  Inconceivable!  Here's a quick and dirty update


School
It's taken me a little longer to get into the swing of things, to feel motivated about assignments.  What I like to call, my give-a-shit (GAS - haha oh I'm funny sometimes) factor is running a little low.  The month of February blows big hairy ones in terms of assignments.  I have several big projects, mid terms, literary reviews, blah blah blah, all due this month.  Looking at my agenda makes my eyes get all big and pop out of my head.  So, naturally, I'm almost completely done with February's assignments because I'm already so over February and all the crap that's due, that I'm just getting it done now so I don't have to worry about February anymore, my eyes can go back to their normal size and stay appropriately in their sockets.  


Food
I've finally uploaded photos from my camera and I have, surprisingly, a bunch of pictures of food that I clearly intended to share with everyone.  More on this later.


Zumba and Dance
I'm happy when I dance.  I'm happy when I Zumba.  I will be adding more Zumba and more dance into my life.  The end.  


Law and Order SVU and NCIS
Can't stop watching either, which makes doing homework, choreographing routines, exercising, spending time with my husband, cultivating friendships, getting me time, loving, bonding and taking care of our furry children, all a little challenging.  But holy hell, these two shows, they're like crack!


Underworld Awakening
Saw it in 3D.  Really liked it.  Kate Beckinsale is super hot as always.  Very entertaining visually and action wise.  Don't know if I would suggest paying $12 to see it in 3D, but definitely would recommend seeing it.  


I think that's all for now.  Have a fabulous day!

Elementary School Employees Are Warriors

At least in my opinion they are.  I'm an intern at an elementary school for my master's program, following around a school counselor and learning the ropes of what they do.  I have been doing a lot of study circles and behavior intervention and management, teaching kids about good and bad choices and empathy, creating positive learning environments, helping families find funding for their kid's super special glasses etc, etc.  Love social work.  I am fucking exhausted every time I end an internship day.  


Honestly, I'm not kidding when I say that if we plugged elementary schools into power generators, an entire city could easily live off of the energy produced by these non-stop munchkins.  And I mean, non-stop.  It's always something, "Boys and girls, are we supposed to be all talking at once?" "Is that a good choice or bad choice?  Do we want to make the problem bigger or smaller?" "How do we make the problem smaller?" "Look at her face and her body language, how do you think she's feeling right now?"  Even the most mild child is a squirmy-mcsquirmerson and completely quack-a-doodle.  Oh dear lord I'm starting to talk like I work in an elementary school... 


Kids are always out of their seats, kids are always not paying attention, someone is always poking someone else or fiddling with their shoelaces, someone always has to go to the bathroom or blow their nose, which causes a bathroom and nose blowing epidemic for the entire class that has to be squashed, which in turn leads to a hand sanitizer frenzy that you don't really want to squash because you're glad that kids are exercising germ awareness and hygiene but when they all start taking baths in it it's kind of a problem. It's a goddamn miracle that kids learn anything at all.  


Even if they aren't learning much day to day with all the ants in their pants (I have got to hang around adults), I'm learning tons.  I've been working in behavioral health, specifically with kids for the last four years or so, but there's always something else to be learned, some new method to try.  I'm also learning how to be more natural around kids.  I've never worked in a school setting like this before (and can I just take a moment to say that when I went to school, everyone was Mr or Ms so-and-so, but nowadays faculty are still Mr or Ms so-and-so, but staff are Ms first name.  It's so weird).  The one school I did work at was a for the super special emotionally disturbed kiddos that were being put in holds because they would get so explosive, and then after that I had a desk dividing me and my clients and now I'm working with little munchkins that like hugging, and they light up when I sit on the floor with them.  So it's been a learning curve on how to deal with these little kids and how to let loose around them.  Oh, and my arts and crafts skills are getting dusted off and put to use.  I've been using glue sticks and crayons for the first time in probably a decade.  


Despite all the clinical and personal things I am learning with this internship, I'm also learning that I do not want to be a school social worker.  I love kids, I believe in what the counselor I work with is doing, I believe in early intervention and prevention blah blah blah.  I do, I really, truly do.  The hours are also rad.  Done every day by 3, summers off, spring break, 2weeks at Christmas.  But I'm only at my internship 2days a week, and those 2 days are more draining than the 2days of 7straight hours of lecture when I'm in class, hands down.  I literally come home every day from my internship and fight the urge to fall face first onto my bed.  And most days I lose that battle and get startled awake when Juan comes home and I've fallen asleep on the couch or at the table.  It is such draining work.  It's like your entire life force of energy gets sucked out of you and goes into those kids, but then you never get it back until you get home.  So I commend all those who are working in elementary schools, that shit is mad hard.  Little kids are hard to work with, hard to direct, hard to positively influence and way hard to teach.  Kudos to all those in the profession, and mad props to all those in the profession that are really good at what they do.  

Over Achievement

Juan: What ya doing?
Me: Homework
Juan: Due this week?
Me: No, due next week but I thought I would get it done now since I have the time
<pause>
Juan: C'mon Sappho, mommy is busy doing next month's homework so she can have all her homework for the semester done before the weekend is over 'cuz she's an over achiever


I love being married

Death Match: car vs human

I had to go to the UA bookstore today to pick up books for my grad classes.  There was a part of me that chuckled to myself as I realized that I was stealthily blending in with the Wildcats around me to buy text books for classes that are held by the Wildcats' most loathed nemesis: the Sundevils.  I should clarify that the UA is my alma mater, and at this years Duel in the Desert I will be vehemently rooting for the Cats to win, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit of a traitor as I am now officially an ASU graduate student.  Shocking and blasphemous, I know.  But trust me when I say, with gusto, that Sparky aint got shit on Wilbur and Wilma.  


So I'm driving around campus, which, if any of you have gone to a big university like the UA, you know driving around campus is really an idealistic concept.  It's more like inch worming and wasting your gas around campus than actually driving.  It's like being on a California freeway during rush hour traffic.  It's not really driving if you can put the car in park even though you're on the road and not in a parking lot.  


This traffic and congestion is not new to me.  I grew up in California, had to commute to school, and then went to college out of state and once I moved off campus and actually had need for a vehicle, I inched my way around campus trying to find parking.  I wasn't even worried about having to maneuver through angry sweaty mobs once I got to the bookstore.  I figured the bob and weave and slinking around people was all muscle memory as I did it for four years and so it would come back to me.  But parking, that shit caused me anxiety.  I am still trying to dry myself off from all the perspiration it caused me (this probably has something to do with it being 97 out but feeling like 102 due to humidity and my AC not working, but whatever).  


I cease to be amazed at how people walk and behave while on campus.  It's like people driving in parking lots: they simply forget how to drive.  It's the same with walking on campus.  I am a firm believer in walking to get you places, or using some other mode of transportation that doesn't leave a carbon foot print like your car.  And while I was a student, I walked or I used my long board (the blue one - the orange one was my roommate's).  

But regardless if I was on foot or wheels, I made an effort to be aware of others around me.  Especially cars.  Apparently this mentality is few and far between, because my experience this morning assured me that these campus pedestrians/cyclists/long boarders seem to believe that in a death match between their 100+lb selves of flesh and bone and my 1ton car of steel and fiber glass, that they would come out on top.  I can't even count how many times I wanted to hold a quick physics lesson to remind people that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time and that 100+lb of flesh and bone is NOT an equal and opposite force to my 1ton car of steel and fiber glass and that my car will win said death match without much force or effort.  I'm not saying that drivers should just plow through the seemingly oblivious campus pedestrians/cyclists/long boarders - drivers should exercise much caution when maneuvering around people because they are bigger and they can cause significant damage with little force or effort.  But people, for your own damn safety, you too should remember that cars are BIGGER THAN YOU, and therefore cannot stop on a dime, cannot turn 180degrees in an inch of space, and that my car (as awesome as she is) does not have feelings.  So when you run into her, she doesn't get hurt, she probably won't even get dented.  And I as the driver, will feel bad, but I won't be hurt either.  But you, you on your bike wearing no helmet, or you on your long board with no effective brake system, or you on your cell phone walking obliviously into on coming traffic, your flesh and bones have these things called nerve endings, and you will hurt if you walk out/ride out in front of my car with no warning and giving me no opportunity to stop.  ::steps off soap box::


So, after inching my way around to find parking for literally 20minutes, you can imagine my stress level when after I purchase my books, I go to use the restroom only to have a 3inch thick book fall out of my recent purchases that says Environmental Organic Chemistry.  Funny, I'm not taking chem classes.  After a quick rummage through the rest of my bag, I realized that one of my books is missing.  And then it dawns on me, when I went to purchase my books, the cashiers were all shoved shoulder to shoulder two to a machine.  Smarty pants next to me and I got to our shared register at the same time and our books were put down behind the counter side by side and so now she has one of my social work books and I had her Environmental O-Chem book.  I couldn't find her (please refer back to my reference of the angry and sweaty mob of people that can be found on the first day of classes at the UA bookstore), so I go back to the bookstore, explain the situation, and am told that I have to go back outside, down the stairs, return the book at the outdoor return book station, come back up the stairs to the bookstore, only to go back down the stairs inside the bookstore to the lower level where the books are held, get the correct book, and then head back up the stairs to the registers (for this please refer to my comment about how it's 97 but feels like 102 due to humidity).  At this point I have sweated about my body weight in fluids because of course I had to park across campus and hike my way in before all those damn stairs.  But now, almost two hours later, I am home, sitting on my tile floor in front of a fan dreaming of the day when we will have a pool in our back yard with a floaty that has my name on it.  


I'm not sure what the point of today's post is.  I live in Tucson, I know it's hot, and being hot is one thing, being completely drenched in your own sweat in your clothes is another, and the latter is completely intolerable even if you're a saint with an abundance of patience.  I guess my lesson learned this morning was two fold: Tucson is hot and don't walk around campus wearing dark jeans and two shirts, and a reminder that if you're in a car and around a heavy foot traffic area, please remember to check and double check in order to avoid the oblivious meandering pedestrians.  And if you're one of those oblivious meandering pedestrians, come back to earth and focus on getting to your destination safely.  Or you know, go out and buy body armor to help protect yourself.  

Back to School

Yup, I'm officially a student again.  Before I get into school stuff, there's someone you should meet.  

This is Blue:

  

Yes, he's a backpack.  But not just any backpack.  He's an oversized backpack.  Instead of the standard one zip compartment for your books, he has two equally huge zip compartment for your books and binders, not to mention all sorts of pockets and mini zip compartments for all your school supplies.  There's nothing that won't fit in Blue.  And I mean nothing.  

Why am I introducing you to an oversize backpack you ask?  Because Blue is not just any oversized backpack.  He is my number one school essential.  You might be thinking, well sure everyone needs something to tote their shit in when they're in school.  Blue is so much more than that.  Blue is my school BFF.  He's really my bag BFF as he has been used for so much more than just books.  How could I have such a bond with a backpack?  Simple.  Blue and I have been going to school together since I was in the second grade.  

No you did not misread and I did not mistype.  Blue and I have been together since I was in the second grade.  I don't remember why I picked him out of all the other backpacks to choose from.  I just remember wanting to ditch the Barbie backpack (ugh it was awful, hot pink with the blonde Barbie face in weird plastic wearing sunglasses saying "Ooo la la!" - BARF).  Since then, I have never looked back.  True, Blue was way too big for me when we first started going to school together, and there was no way that I could possibly have filled him up.  But I loved him instantly.  

We have been through four schools (five counting my current graduate program), 14 grades, numerous sleep overs, a trip to Europe, numerous treks between Tucson and the Bay Area - pretty much every where I have been, Blue has been.  He's been sharpied and "tagged" and had patches sewn onto him that were ripped off after I was over that fad.  He's had more keychains on him than I can count.  He served as my pillow for in between class naps during my undergrad.  He's survived Simba thinking he was the litter box at first and being peed on numerous times, not to mention being thrown up on by various pets.  He's even been to Jansport Camp a couple of times for bouts of Zipper Disease (when you zip a compartment closed but the compartment doesn't stay closed and the zipper no longer works).  But he was great while he was away those few weeks and he wrote me a postcard saying that he was getting along with the other backpacks and bags and making friends and couldn't wait to come home (so not joking.  Jansports have a lifetime warranty on them and when they bust, you can send them to "Jansport Camp" to get them fixed and then you get a postcard from your backpack letting you know how they're doing).  So you can imagine my rising panic earlier this week when I was getting my school stuff together and I couldn't find him.  After tearing through three closets and numerous boxes, I found him, covered in Simba and Sazu cat hair, but I found him.  He even had a few surprises for me: a pouch full of pens and highlighters that worked, a MagicRub eraser (the best kind of eraser there is), Tylenol, tampons galore, swim goggle nose piece adjusters (he also doubled as my gym bag through college), anti-aging 30spf sunblock, lotion, chapstick and Dayquil.  Ironically enough, I cleaned all that out, specifically putting the Tylenol and Dayquil in the pantry, only to get to my first day of school yesterday feeling under the weather and wishing I had Tylenol or Dayquil.  I should have listened to Blue.  Anyways, after his millionth or so time through the washer and dryer later, and Blue was ready for school.  

Blue is way too big for school.  I really only need a note book and a pen for my classes and I can easily carry that in my hand and I don't *need* my beloved oversized backpack.  But it's just not school without him.